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As I continue to espouse the virtues of the Somes Bar Liars Club to friends, family, fishermen, and telemarketers, I reflect back on the club’s humble origins in the “Somes Bar Redundancy club located in Somes Bar on the Klamath River” and how it all started by repeatedly telling the same stories over and over again in endless reiteration .  Things like “liars clubs” and “redundancy clubs” are born when you have no where to go, and when you have eliminated mass media entertainment by throwing out all of your television sets (we kept the phones).
ranch sign

So, while at church this last week, Heidi and I were chatting with a friend in the kitchen facilities, while I casually munched on little  fancy colored chocolate covered raisens.  Our friend was watching me as I popped hand-fulls of these little morsels into my mouth, and when I was asked where the colorful snacks came from, the ugly side of the Somes Bar Liars Club was irrepressibly manifest.

“These are a gift from the Easter Elk” …and I popped a purple globule into my mouth.

A pregnant pause followed, then a rather sick countenance fell across her face, and finally she erupted in violent and terminal laughter.  The problem I have with the Liars Club, is that I seem to have no sense of propriety.  None of us were later able to make eye contact in the chapel, at risk of spontaneous laughter mid-sermon.

I continue to pay the price for this one, and now the Lord’s Karma has fully cycled, calling me to repentance for disrupting the “spirit” in the House of the Lord.   Our local Klamath elk herd has now returned to the ranch with  mayhem and destruction as the agenda of force and their “sign” is not a pile of pretty colored delicacies.  50 elk in a herd can decimate a pasture in a day, trample the berm of our water canals, consume the gardens, and drive away the dogs.  The elk tactic to gain access to our horse pasture is to first assign a designated probe elk to walk through the hot-wire horse fence.  Once the breach is established, the remaining 49 casually meander in and evict the horses.  When the pasture is sufficiently clear, and residency is established, the party begins in earnest.

Here  is a shot of one of their party games entitled “How Many Elk Can Fit Into A Horse Shelter?”

Notice the entrance breach  through the hot wire tape at the back of the picture.

Let this be a lesson to the masses of un-schooled Liars Club minions:  twisted humor stays on the ranch.

Cheers, from a fully repentant Doug.

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