Many of our guests come from a life centered in a highly populated metropolitan or urban setting. Some of the probing questions about conditions here are often quite entertaining and illustrate the dramaticly different lifestyle paradigms. For example:
“Which off-ramp do I take off of the I-96?” answer: “There are no off-ramps, unless you consider an exiting spur-road to be an offramp.”
“If there are no off-ramps, how will I get into Somes Bar from the highway?” answer: “Stop your car and open the door”
“But won’t the Bears eat my children if I open the door?” answer: “uh….no. Excuse me, I need to cough. Hack, chortle, snort, snort, snort.”
“Was that a bear I heard” answser: “no”
“Do you have insects there” answer: “yes”
“Really? How many insects do you have?” answer: “lots”
As you can see, if you start getting one word answers to your questions over the phone, this could be a red-flag indicator that you are a likely candidate to become fodder for the “Somes Bar Liars Club”. As president, CEO, Secretariate, and founder of the Somes Bar Liars Club, I take personal interest in persons appearing to be gullible, since I am always on the search to recruit an audience for a liars club story. Here is where the fun really starts.
“In fact, we have species of insects in the Klamath Forest, that are a Klamath biome dependant single niche entity. Take the ‘Flying Scorpion” for example. This is the only insect that is predator to the bald-faced hornet, a wasp that is so potent in it’s sting that it has been determined to be the single most important reason for the decline in the Klamath Elk population. Whole herds have been decimated by swarming bald faced hornets. And as you know the bald faced hornet is also the most voracious predator to the yellow jacket. The food chain is uniquely vertically structured here and is thankfully supportive of homonid populations residing near the top of the chain. You may not realize this, but the flying scorpion is a symbiote to the human form, acting as silent protector and guardian to the species.
Since bald faced hornets consider the human pheromone profile to be the compass to a nutritious complex-fatty-acid meal source, they would quickly decimate our population as well, were it not for the interference of the defending swarms of flying scorpion. It’s really quite dramatic scene when viewed from horse-back. The hornets in hot pursuit of a yellow jacket hive get distracted by the approaching scent of humans on horseback and we see the sudden change in flight path as they move in our direction. Now, this is where it gets really interesting.
The increased wing-beat frequency rate of the excited bald faced hornet sends supersonic in-audible signals to the shy and often unseen flying scorpion hive that is called in to duty. While zeroing in on the sound of the excited hornets, these little Stealth Bombers swoop down and grasp the hornet, paralyzing it with a sting from the scorpion tail, then biting off the head of the hornet. This continues until the invading hornets are entirely exterminated and their head-less corpses are neatly piled in anticipation of the ceremonial hornet feast.”
Usually, I am talking to the dull drone of a empty-line ring signal about this time….oh well, another sale is lost, and my angry family is beating my body with what ever kitchen appliance is close at hand.
Where are the Scorpions when you really need them?
In closing, here is a picture of an elk family from last year. Notice the perked ears and the anxious looks as they survey the horizon for the sound of the approaching hornet wing -beat. Run!!! Run away!!!