Now that I have your attention, I would like to spill the beans about the last several years I have spent fishing the Klamath River with Paris Hilton (the fly).   Nope, no videos are to follow, but it does smell a lot like fish here….lets start at the beginning:

the river

One of my good friends and clients is Mike McGuire from the Peninsula Fly Fishers.   Each year prior to his arrival, he sends an e-mail and asks if he can tie me some flies, and if so, what would I like.  Being the rather demented and twisted sort that I am, I have a tough time with simple honest and straightforward answers.  Three or four years ago I responded to him with a request that I really didn’t expect Mike to follow through with.

“Mike, I want you to tie me a dozen herniators with an added set of wings from a Silver Hilton, and tie me a dozen in the bead head version…..please…..and can you do them in both green and copper?”

Since Mike is the accommodating type, he gladly tied them and carried them up for that season’s steelhead club outing here at the Marble Mountain Ranch.  Of course, I put them to work on the first day I fished with Mike.   Obviously, since I am writing the story, the flies must have had some value.  In fact, they were so effective, that I continued fishing the flies for the next year as my current secret “boat fly.”  I then began the search for a name for this new creation.

The first thing that came to mind was simply “Herniated Hilton.”  With each new visiting client, I continued to tie on my new secret boat fly and explain that it is flashy, skinny, sexy, often floats by on it’s back, and is lightly dressed.  (please forgive me here)…so, finally one guest responded…”Oh, you mean you fished with Paris Hilton?”…..and that was the end of the name search.

Now, all you minions of loyal readers of this blog.   Here is your payback.   Allow me to introduce, Paris Hilton – the fly

and yes, the copper version was named the BFF (best friends forever).   I claim ignorance of what the BFF actually stands for, since I threw out the family TV 15 years ago when we moved to Marble Mountain Ranch….you see, a friend of mine told me what a BFF is and how the Nicole girl was ….never mind.

So, now the secret is out.   I have been fishing with Paris Hilton for 4 years, and I smell like fish.  Her partner, a BFF has also been fishing with me, and she too smells like fish.  I ask for forgiveness from my supporting wife and family and promise to not let this unfortunate event deter me from my continued service in the public sector.  (excuse me while I wipe a tear from the corner of my right eye with the conveniently placed handkerchief in my breast pocket)

The following image of a bead head Paris Hilton stuck in the teeth of this poor, innocent, and hapless salmon is recommended for viewing by mature audiences only:

Well, I hope this blog entry doesn’t get me sued.   Have a good night and get to work tying those new flies, courtesy of Doug and Mike.